The Alexandrian #002
The “Scandyland” Edition
We are now exactly half-way through September. Not a lot has changed since last week. Especially since I am being forced to publish a day early. Let’s see how this one goes.
Crazy pastor Terry Jones is still in the news. This in and of itself isn’t news. It’s really news about the news. What I’m trying to say is that the news agencies enjoy keeping crazy people in the news as long as possible even though they don’t matter.
However, it seems other people like this “Burn a Koran” idea. Groups are springing up across the country promoting the incineration of the Islamic holy book. At one rally, a dirty hippy ran behind the rally leader and snatched the Koran away from him while saying “Dude, you got no Koran!” Cool dude.
It seems that we Americans don’t really want Muslims in America. That got me to thinking of solutions. I took a page from the Europeans after World War II ended. They suddenly had a bunch of homeless Jews to deal with. So what did they do? They gave the Jews their own country. Suddenly, no more Jews in Europe (Credit where credit’s due: Hitler helped a lot). Now, I hear what you’re saying, the Muslims already have a bunch of countries to live in. But we have to remember: there are many more Muslims than Jews. I propose that we give Alaska to the Muslims. We will relocate them there free of charge. They stay there. We’ll stay here. I think it’s perfectly reasonable.
But enough of the Muslims. Let’s talk global warming. Mainly, it’s benefits. Ice is melting around the globe, including Scandinavia. The permafrost in areas of Scandyland has thawed enough that super smart science guys have discovered old weapons and shoes from a civilization that existed before the Vikings. Decent. I’m not really sure why this is significant. It’s just some old sticks and stuff but cool none the less. Or should I say hot? Hahahaha! I’m hoping that the ice will melt enough that they will find technology from aliens that visited here hundreds of thousands of years ago that will allow us to make the jump to hyperspace or travel through time. Buy more SUVs! Burn more coal! Spill more oil!
All the best,
Alex Peruso
